Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Dave 11/19/99 - Re: CHILDREN, MOVIES, SAD STORIES AND THE ELEPHANT MAN



Friday, November 19th, 7:40am

Hi Sunshine,

People can be cruel, especially children. Whether it's the little boy or girl that is very overweight or one who is different in some other way. Any deviation from the norm is exploited and, you're right, people don't realize that there is a thinking, hurting, normal human being inside.
I feel very warm with your telling of your story. It shows that you have trust in me and I want trust. I will never violate it.

In the last few years my hearing has deteriorated. I grew up with a father that had ear problems and remember well my frustration when I constantly had to repeat myself. I also remember his impatience when I would just say "Never mind" instead of saying it again. He would say that if it wasn't worth repeating then it wasn't worth saying in the first place. Now, the shoe is on the other foot. I am experiencing what HE must have. I can hear OK on the phone and if people speak clearly and I can see their mouth, I don't have a problem, but some people mumble and talk softly. I strain and watch their mouth closely, even trying to get closer, but when I do, they just talk more softly. I find myself avoiding conversation, contact and communication with people. Some people in my office that are new and don't know me, think I'm not friendly because I sometimes don't respond to them.
I find myself just smiling and shaking my head in a non-descript manner, not knowing if an affirmative response is appropriate to what ever they asked me or said to me. In the hall, when I pass someone, I always smile but then look away quickly and walk fast like I'm in a hurry to get someplace. I figure this way, they won't try to begin idle conversation. There is nothing wrong with a hearing aid. It's no different than glasses to see, but I have a problem with becoming dependent on a device. I suppose I will have to do something soon. Sometimes, I'm called to testify in court and it's embarrassing when I can't hear attorneys questions or the judges instructions. I make excuses that I'm just getting over a cold and ear infection and can't hear because of that.

Anyway, as an adult, I can deal with it. I can't imagine what a child must go through when they are parked like a piece of furniture and the world moves around them, ignoring them.

I have a cousin that is in a wheelchair after a childhood falling accident.
She damaged her spinal cord and has no feeling in her legs. When we were children, I tried to treat her like anyone else and not make a big deal about her affliction. I watched the other kids make jokes and treat her like she wasn't a living, feeling person. As an adult, she has told me, as you have, how she felt and what her feelings were when she was small. She is a doctor now and works with kids with physical problems in a children's hospital. I visit her sometimes at work and help moving the children around and entertaining them. I feel good when I leave.

I know that your experience has made you stronger and a more compassionate person. God has a reason for everything and you may not be as sweet as you are if it wasn't for the experience. Thank you for sharing that with me and now we will forget it and move on. I must admit, I'm glad you don't look like the Elephant Man!

There was another movie similar to that, called "Mask". It was with Cher Bono and her son was deformed. Very sad, but very uplifting too. You say you cry a lot. I say you cry for others and not yourself. That's called compassion and it's a very good trait. Keep it up!

No, Pitootie has no meaning, just cute. I still like "Sunshine" best. I see it in your eyes and the eyes are the window to the soul.

So... what are we going to do about all the miles between us. Maybe we can get the Brazilian government to move the country closer. I would try here, but our government can't get ANYTHING done. Is is hard to get a visitors Visa to come to the US? Is is hard to visit Brazil? I need to investigate this, even though I have no idea when I could do it. If we were closer, we would have already met and that's frustrating. Maybe a rich relative will die and leave me tons of money. Or maybe I'll rob a bank.

I'd better go to work now. Hope you are having a nice day. Kiss the babies for me when you get home. I'll miss you this weekend. You need to get Internet at home and we could chat live on ICQ or someplace like that. I would like to call you again, but I'll wait for a time. I can't afford frequent calls to "Cuurrr-a-Teeba".

Attached is terrible picture of me. I look like I just got out of bed. My son took it with the digital camera about two weeks ago. If you get past this, it's all down hill!

luv,
dave

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