About some of my posts

I had started posting here using titles like "first email", "second email", etc. I found out that wasn't going to work for long. If I went on like that, soon I'd have to post "onde hundred and thirty sixth email", and so on. So, to simplify, the titles of posts with emails are who wrote the email, the date, and the subject.

Also, it won't be possible to post the image for every email. My messages are saved on .msg format. That's the extension used by Microsoft Outlook. It so happens that the newest Windows versions don't come with Outlook anymore. (Why, oh why???) I don't like to pirate software, and I don't want to pay over a hundred bucks for something I'm not going to use that much. Well, actually I am going to use it a lot, but I have an old computer with Outlook. So I'm using that old computer, opening the messages with Outlook, and saving them as images using "print screen". I don't know if that's the best method, but that's what I can do with my limited knowledge. Some of the emails are too long to fit in the screen, so I can't use "print screen". In those cases, I'll just post the text.

Neysa 11/03/99 - My loves and hates

Dave 10/29/99 - Re: RES: Hi

Dave 10/28/99 - RES: Hi

Five Months

I found out that time doesn’t heal the pain of a loss. It just becomes your friend, it becomes your companion…

The heart is like a house, with several different rooms. Each one of those represents a different aspect of your life, your family, your work, your fears, your loves, your beliefs… All those rooms have doors to each other. When your partner dies the pain is so intense, because wherever you are you can see those open doors to the room that represented the two of you. Then, little by little, those doors begin to close, because they’re not being used anymore. But that room will always be there, with its feelings, its memories, with the story of that love, and every once in a while you will visit those memories. The pain is not necessarily a bad thing. It is proof that that time in your life was real and intense, and that it was worth being lived.

Life goes on, and you go back to circulating among those rooms where there’s still life. But that door will always be there, and every once in a while you will stop and smile remembering all the good things you lived there. Or you will remember all the plans you had, and feel sorry for everything you couldn’t have. Sometimes you’ll feel guilty when you realize you haven’t been in that room the whole day, the whole week.

My life goes on, but in a way I’m bringing Dave with me. I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to leave him behind. I want to think of him with love, and be grateful for all we shared, I want to trust that someday we’ll be reunited.

It was all worth it.

Somewhe Out There

(written by James Horner, Barry Mann, Cynthia Weil)

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight

Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer

That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through

Then we'll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through

Then we'll be together somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave and I communicated online for 25 months before I moved here. We exchanged emails and talked live every day, and after just a few months we already knew there was something very special between us. Despite the distance, we felt a very strong connection, and that's where "Somewhere Out There" became part of our history.
We were talking one night, and that song started to play. I paid attention to the lyrics and realized it said a lot about us, that although we were so far apart, we were sleeping underneath the same sky, and that love would see us through.
And our love was strong and kept growing through the distance for over two years, until we could be together here, where my dreams came true.

Dave 10/27/99 - Re: Hi

Neysa 10/26/99 - Hi

Dave 10/22/99 - Re: My smiling face

Happy birthday, baby

Dave would have been 62 last June 30. I sent him an email wishing him happy birthday. I still write him often. When something happens I still think "I have to tell Dave that...", then I remember I don't have that person anymore to whom I used to tell everything. At least he won't answer me anymore. I still miss him. I hope he's fine, that he doesn't have any more headaches, and that he's surrounded by people who love him. And I hope he looks down here every once in a while and thinks of me with love.
Happy birthday, honey!
I love you!

Neysa 10/20/99 - My smiling face

This was my answer, just to send a picture, like Dave said, "get past the picture thing". The picture I sent is the one on my profile. It's my favorite picture. I was happy and in love.

Dave 10/19/99 - Hi back

That's the picture he sent me with that email. I didn't like it. But he was WAAAAAAAAAAY over there in the US and I was WAAAAAAAAAY over there in Brazil. What harm would it do to answer? Who knows? Actually, I wasn't looking for love. Much less in another country!!! I wanted to meet someone special, maybe. Later I found out that Dave felt the same. He had had too many disappointments and was tired of playing this game. You never know, right? Maybe that person was hiding in a distant land, just waiting for a miracle...

I honestly believe that finding Dave was a miracle. And what followed during nine years after that email transformed me into a different person. Everything I have here, I have Dave to thank for. My home, my city, my job, all the opportunities, my identity, my citizenship, my new family, my name, the air I breathe. Things I wouldn't even dream of ten years ago. It may sound cliche, but this love did change my life. And it changed me. I know now that love is possible and real. And our love goes on, in the life I have here, in my realtionship with my stepchildren, and in these memories.